Sex After an STI: What You Need to Know

By Chantelle Otten, Melbourne based Psycho-Sexologist

Get tested with our online steroid harm minimisation service. 100% confidential testing, available Australia-wide. Learn more or book a test today.There’s a moment that happens after receiving an STI diagnosis that no one really talks about. It’s that quiet, sinking feeling where you start to question your worth, your desirability, your future sex life.

Let’s get this out of the way early: having an STI is incredibly common. It’s also manageable, treatable – and in many cases, temporary. But the shame that often comes with it? That’s what lingers. And that’s what we need to challenge.

As a sexologist, I’ve supported countless people through the emotional rollercoaster that can follow a positive STI result. So let’s have the conversation too many people avoid: sex after an STI. Because yes – you’re still allowed to feel sexy, wanted, and empowered in your body. And no – an STI isn’t the end of your sex life.

Breaking the Stigma

STIs are not a punishment. They’re not a character flaw. They’re not a reflection of how “clean” or “respectable” someone is. They are a public health reality, it’s an infection!  STI’s are like the common cold or a bout of gastro – and they’re often asymptomatic. You could be the most responsible person in the world and still contract one.

In Australia, rates of chlamydia, gonorrhoea, and syphilis have been increasing steadily over the past decade. This isn’t because people are irresponsible – it’s because our sexual health education, testing accessibility, and conversations about sex haven’t kept pace with how we live and love today.

So, let’s stop treating STIs like something shameful or dirty. You don’t owe anyone guilt. You owe yourself care, information, and the space to move forward without judgement.

Navigating Disclosure in Dating

One of the biggest hurdles people face post-diagnosis is figuring out when and how to disclose their STI status to a new partner. It’s a vulnerable thing to do, especially when rejection feels like a possibility. But let’s reframe disclosure not as a confession, but as a sign of respect – both for yourself and the person you’re engaging with.

There’s no one-size-fits-all script, but you could try:

“I want to be upfront – I’ve had [name of STI], it’s [treated/managing], and I’d love to talk about how we can prioritise both our safety and pleasure.”

“I’ve been navigating [STI] and I think it’s important to talk about before we get physical. I’m happy to answer any questions you might have, either now or you can write them down and we can go through together”

Notice how these examples centre clarity, care, and boundaries – without placing shame at the core. That’s the energy we want to lead with.

If a potential partner reacts with kindness and curiosity? That’s a green flag. If they react with disgust or shaming language? That’s information. And honestly, it might be your cue to walk away. You deserve to be with someone who respects your vulnerability and your body.

Reclaiming Your Confidence

After an STI diagnosis, many people say they feel less attractive, less confident, or less “worthy” of intimacy. These are natural feelings, but they don’t have to define you.

Start by reconnecting with your body in ways that feel nurturing. That might be through movement, mindfulness, or self-pleasure. Masturbation can be a powerful tool here – not just for pleasure, but for rebuilding trust with your body. You get to explore what feels good again, on your own terms.

If you’ve internalised shame or fear around your diagnosis, journaling or speaking with a therapist (ideally someone sex-positive and STI-literate) can help unpack those narratives.

And remember: your sexual confidence doesn’t have to be about being loud or bold. It can be quiet and grounded – rooted in self-awareness, consent, and mutual enjoyment.

Sex After an STI: Practical Considerations

Let’s talk logistics. If you’ve had a curable STI like chlamydia or gonorrhoea, you can usually return to sex 7 days after completing treatment and getting a follow-up negative test (depending on your doctor’s advice). With long-term or manageable infections – like herpes or HIV – there are ways to navigate sex safely and confidently.

For example:

Herpes: Always avoid sex during outbreaks and use condoms or antiviral medication to reduce transmission risk. Many people with herpes live full, thriving sex lives.
HIV: With proper treatment (and an undetectable viral load), HIV cannot be transmitted sexually – this is known as U=U (undetectable = untransmittable).
HPV: Most sexually active people will contract HPV at some point, and in most cases, the body clears it on its own. Regular cervical screening and vaccinations (like Gardasil) are great preventative tools.

Communication, barrier protection, and regular testing all remain key ingredients to a healthy sex life – whether you’ve had an STI or not.

It’s Not the End – It’s a New Chapter

An STI might change how you think about sex for a while – but it doesn’t have to end it. Many people report that post-diagnosis, their relationships with their bodies, their partners, and their communication skills improve significantly.

Why? Because being vulnerable builds intimacy. Being informed builds confidence. And being honest about your needs, limits, and desires creates a stronger foundation for connection.

If you’re dating again, go at your own pace. If you’re in a relationship, use this as an opportunity to learn more about each other – not just sexually, but emotionally too. And if you’re still in the thick of it – still navigating feelings of shame or anxiety – that’s okay. Healing isn’t linear.

Final Thoughts

Having an STI doesn’t make you unlovable, undesirable, or “less than.” It makes you human. And while stigma can feel heavy, it only has power if we don’t challenge it.

Your pleasure, your confidence, your relationships – they’re all still yours to own and explore. So if you’re holding back because of an STI, consider this your permission to take a deep breath and start again. You are not broken. You are not alone. And you absolutely still get to have a joyful, satisfying, sexy life.

Chantelle Otten is a Melbourne based Psycho-Sexologist who is passionate about empowering people to feel great about their sexual health, self-esteem, communication and education.